Is there a Banshee in my house?

Terrible twos...filled with crying, screaming, time outs, and most of all frustration.

Well, I think my daughter has exceeded what I have learned to be the norm for terrible twos. The past 2 weeks have been hell...yup I said it. Although, if you have children, you already have come to this conclusion. I'm not saying my daughter was a saint before this sudden onslaught. Oh no, she definitely knew how to throw a good fit, BUT they have gotten painfully worse. Interesting choice of words right? Let me tell you why I chose to phrase it that way. Ready?

My beautiful little girl is usually quite happy and energetic, curious about everything, and ready to go go go! All of a sudden, she wakes up crying, which then turns to screaming. You might think, "That's totally normal." Well yeah I though so too for the first hour. Then one hour turned to two and two to three and so on up to about four hours of inconsolable screaming and crying. On this particular day she stopped long enough to eat four waffles and go down for a nap before waking up and starting the process all over again until bed. She had no fever, no physical signs of illness, she wasn't even crying because she wanted something. I had friends say its normal and its a phase, and I almost believed then until one day turned to two weeks. The smallest triggers get it started and sometimes its nothing at all. She does fine at daycare but the moment she walks in the door, its like Banshee in my home. I totally feel like something is off. I went to school for a year and a half for early childhood ed. I've tried the holding her until she calms down approach, discipline, talking, putting feelings into word for her, all to no avail. Nothing is helping. Her father and I literally held each other crying one day because we were so lost and hurting for her. We were supposed to take her to the doctor on Monday, but we had a small break in the tantrums and were hopeful that is was just the crazy schedule of Christmas...we hoped, but were back to square one.

Tomorrow, I will schedule a doctor appointment and try and rule out any creeping sickness or infections. Then I will request a blood and skin allergy test to rule out food allergies as well. Some people, I am sure are balking at the idea of putting a toddler through such uncomfortable tests for something they think is a phase. Well, I am her mother, I have studied the development of infant through toddler years and I know in my heart, its not just a phase.

Hopefully, we get some answers soon. Until then, were praying and taking deep breaths while she is at daycare. I'm thinking tequila wouldn't hurt either...kidding...but seriously!

Bring it 2013

Here we are, another new year where people will swear to change habits and usually don't and make some excuse about why they couldn't. I never could make new years resolutions like: "I'll lose all this weight this year. I'll eat better. I wont go on sporadic shopping sprees." Truthfully, I think it only sets us up for failure. Instead of focusing on how fast we get result from our resolutions, how about we focus on how its making us feel every day that we succeed. Maybe more people would follow through if they weren't already disappointed in two weeks when they couldn't see the effect of the changes they are trying to make. Everything takes time, and unfortunately, we are an impatient society.

So, for my new year, I won't set hard goals for myself, but instead a broad spectrum of things that will make me the person I want to be and be known for.

This year, I want to:
                      Love deeper
                                Learn more
                                       Laugh harder
                                                  Be happier
                                                       Make healthier choices.
                                                                   And live life  a little more fully.

 All of these tie together, they make life more vibrant and easy to appreciate. I wish everyone to find happiness in the new year. If you're going to make a promise to change anything, look in the mirror and ask if you are the person you want to be. I'm not talking about you weight, hair color, or whether your teeth are white enough. I'm saying, in fifty years from now, when you look back, how will you be remembered? What will stand out to the people who know and love you?

I know how I want to be remembered...and  intend on making the steps towards that day by day this year. I hope its a wild and exciting journey because I want to look back and say "I have no regrets, no what ifs, and no I should haves." Its ok to stumble, but never give up on yourself. Happy New Years!

Switching Gears

So, its been awhile since I've frequented my blog.  I'm sure this isn't an issue as no one reads this other then myself to reaffirm that I am, indeed, crazy! Truly, I write this to vent, be sad, be happy, get angry, be weird, and be myself. I need a place to be able to write freely about things going in my life right now and this seems a good spot to do so. I way prefer typing to writing in a journal.

I'm not really sure which way this blog will form. So much is going on in my life right now that I could go in any direction. I've decided to change my families diet completely. Were going paleo, or at least primal paleo. I truly refuse to give up cheese and since my body seems to handle the digestion of cheese just fine, I will continue to eat it! Paleo, in a nut shell, is getting rid of food that isn't natural for the body to digest. Things like processed food, wheat, additives, sugars...you get the idea. This is a big change for my husband and daughter being that while I don't shove processed food in here mouth by the shovel full, she does get a lot of sugar from juice, and she loves Chef Boyardee. As or my husband, he grew up on an all American diet. Instant mashed potatoes and green beans from the can. I AM TOTALLY NOT JUDGING any one that eats those things! I just know for my family, its not what's best for us. So making a switch to all fresh things is going to be probably more difficult for him than either my daughter or myself. I grew up eating a variety of healthy food and organic veggies, so this is not new territory, and my daughter is 2, so she'll grow into this as what she knows. If any body does come to read this, yes I know not everyone can afford fresh organic veggies, believe me I totally understand. Even frozen is better then canned though. Again, I am not judging how anyone eats, for me its a personal choice, and for others its their personal choice as well.

Anyway, my new food lifestyle change is one way this blog could go. Another way, which may tie into that in ways, is we think our daughter has food allergies. We aren't really sure if that's what it is, but that's where were starting. I would like to preface by saying I studied early childhood development and education in college, it was going to be my first choice major, so I know what the norm and non norm is for toddlers. My daughters tantrums went for normal toddler stubbornness to downright mayhem. For the past 2 weeks she has woke up crying, and I mean crying from 7am-9am when she goes to daycare, and from the moment she gets home 5pm until bed time. Absolutely inconsolable, wildly thrashing, banshee screaming fits. These tantrums can start over something as small as my bedspread being different then the day before. We know its not a form of Autism, I have multiple friends with kids who have Autism, and the pieces to fit the puzzle. However, a close friend has pointed out a good place to start would be with a food allergy testing. Kid's are funny that way, they can eat one thing for a long time, and suddenly they can't tolerate it. When my daughter (Ava by the way!) was younger, she couldn't have milk, now she totally tolerates it. This is where we have decided to start our journey for answers to why our toddler has become a tantrum queen. Because, my husband Mike and I have hit rock bottom with figuring it out on our own, finally reduced to tears and exhaustion. Monday, the hunt for answers begins!

I would have to say those are the two main ways this blog could go, or a blend of both, heck maybe it will be a blend of those two things and other struggles, I could even brave my struggles with weight...hmm I'll need to think on that one.

For now, that's all my mushy little brain can supply.

Miserable

In addition to Ava's pink eye she now might have a possible ear infection...she was up for an hour and a half screaming last night non stop. Did all I could do and nothing helped. On a normal night this wouldn't have been hard for me to handle, however, I have tonsillitis, with fever, chills, headaches, and severe sore throat. So imagine having to try and listen to her scream when you're not feeling so hot yourself! Finally I couldn't take it and had to get Mike up, he went, calmed her, fed her, and just like that she went to bed! Can you say ridiculous! I should have gotten him up and hour earlier! Luckily she stayed asleep and I was able to get some sleep as well. I am so thankful that Mike has stepped up to play mommy and daddy this weekend with me being sick, I know it hasn't been easy but he's knocking it out of the park =)

Today is my birthday, and we have this big cookout planned. But my throat hurts so bad I probably wont get to enjoy any of the food =( I'll be surrounded by friends though and thats good enough for me!

Been awhile.

Well, seems to me I am way over due for an entry. Truth be told I always liked the idea of blogs and thought journals but never stuck to them! A lot has gone on since now and then.

Where to start. My gram passed this year, shortly after Christmas after a long brave battle with cancer (the second time around). This was a deep cut to my very being and everything I am. I can't say that my gram and I were always close, I was a rotten teenager when she kindly and lovingly took me in and raised me. However, I always admired her. She was a passionate and outgoing person with an infinity for learning and adventure. She was my role model. I was happy that she got to spend time with her great granddaughter (Ava) on Christmas before she passed. Ava took to her like no other, all kids do, my gram has that vibe about her. It breaks my heart that Ava wont get to know her better. I am to make my gram proud every day which brings me to my next milestone.

I am finally going back to school! I have waited for this moment for so long. I'm following in my grams footsteps and looking to major in Early childhood education as well as teaching special needs children.

Moving on to the last milestone for now. Ava is going to be 1 next month...1 freaking years old, I can hardly believe it! I often look back at my difficult pregnancy and think God put me through that just so I could appreciate this amazing little blessing every day. Just some quick updates on Ava: she is eating table food and loving it, she can stand and cruise, crawl everywhere, say "dada" "mama" "nana" and other indecipherable babble., she is a camera ham, and currently has pink eye =( boo

So thats just a bit to catch everyone up. Sadly, I hear some babbling right now from a little girl who should be sleeping! Until next time.

Ava and the sippy cup

The past month, Ava has grown so much. She can sit on her own for long periods of times. She is eating baby food. Sleeping through the night. Trying to eat by herself with a spoon, and so much more. Today, I sat her on the floor with a sippy cup (which she hasn't figured out yet) and this is what she did. =) So precious.3WQaa